But the second adventure and when everything started falling back in to place started March 2010. In March we drove Scott to St. Louis and dropped him off at the hotel to leave early the next morning for Basic Military Training, by far the hardest thing I have done since having Addie!!!! It was the hardest thing we have done as a couple to say goodbye to each other for the next 8.5 weeks. Waiting for that first phone call sucked, and when I got it, it sucked even more, it was like 2 minutes long, sounded like a robot, was reading off a peice of paper what to say to me, and when he said goodbye started crying! It was horrible, so from that phone call it was the wait to the next phone call, they gradually got better, but not easier! The next few weeks with him being gone went by a little faster, but by no means was it any easier.
Addie is just soo confused and doesn't know what to think. She knew that we took daddy to the hotel and dropped him off to go to "basic train" is what she called it. I explained to her its work, but seriously how in the world do you explain all of this to a 3 now 4 year old. We marked the days off on the calendar, she talked to him for the couple minutes he could talk to her for. Sometimes she refused to talk to him! We only got to talk to him once a week usually on saturday. he only got 10 minutes, he got 20 minutes easter sunday! But geez, can you imagine how difficult that is to only get to talk to your husband, your best friend, your lover, the one you go to for eveything for only 10 minutes once a week. It sucked and I tried so hard not to cry and I did good, except one saturday that he called me i just couldn't hold it in!!! But poor Addie I just don't get how to explain this to her still!!! The hardest thing besides him leaving that I had to deal with was Addie.
What comes next, my husband graduates basic military training! He is soo happy and so proud to have accomplished such an intense 8.5 week bmt that changed and transformed him in such an amazing way!!! It was sooo amazing seeing him for the first time, at the airmans run, I was recording it hoping if I didn't see him I could watch it back and maybe I just missed him because they all look alike. But no as soon as I seen his face right as he ran right in front of us, the camera pointed towards the ground and its like my heart stopped, soooo amazing seeing him for the first time!! Amazing, no words can explain it really. What it feels like to see your significant other after 8.5 weeks!!! The weekend with him was awesome, but over way to fast!!! 4 days later I am heading back home! Another hard goodbye, it was soo difficult saying goodbye to him just after 4 days. It was just Addie and I, my in-laws left a day early to get home to there new grand baby, and gave us an evening for just the three of us together! So monday morning Addie and I head back home, she seems to be okay, Addie was so excited about getting home and meeting baby Blayre, so was I!! A couple days go by and she goes back to being mad, angry, upset, confused. So many problems for such a little girl. I just wish some people could understand what she is going through and accept her for right now. I went back to visit him for memorial weekend, just him and I which was great to have a weekend with just me and him! But in some ways I regret leaving Addie behind that weekend, she found out where I was and after I got home she had so much anger towards me!
The hardest thing I ever heard from Addie was just about 2 and half weeks ago she looked at me and said with tears in her eyes. " My daddy doesn't love me anymore". Absolutely broke my heart! I just looked at her and walked away with tears in my eyes!!! What do you say to that, I actually was so choked up I couldn't say anything, about ten minutes after that she found me and hugged me and said " I am so so sorry mommy". It's just sad really, no matter how I explain it to her or what I say to her, she still won't get it because she is to young to understand!
This past weekend we all went the whole family and visited my Airman, it was amazing really this time, because he is in phase 3 and got to stay the night with us!!! Which to tell you the truth made it soo much harder to say goodbye this time! But let me tell ya, Addie loves her daddy oh so much and you can see it in all the pictures!!! We are going back down there the weekend of July 16, just Addie, Myself, and I am taking Bo. I am thinking thats what Addie needs, even though it will just be the weekend, maybe she needs a weekend of normalcy with her mom and dad!!! So she doesn't feel like she has to compete with 10 other people ya know! Maybe thats all she needs is to actually see her mom and dad together again, and us all sitting and hanging out together. Maybe thats all Addie needs it to truly feel loved again by both her parents together!!!! Not trying to sound corny or whatever, I am just lost and still trying to figure out how to deal with Addie and this transition!
Only knowing that I am going to have to do it all again, even though when we move and will be together again, we are moving from her two sets of grandparents, and aunts and uncle, that will miss her! So this adventure is just beginning right? I just heard and it is more true than anyone can say.
"It never gets easier; you just get through it"
So my first Blog, everything up to date! There is more to come!!!
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